Mary Sue meets Fanfiction
by pandora1017
Summary: Well, I *was* going to write a Mary Sue...
1. [1/3]

Title: "Mary Sue meets Fanfiction"  
Author: pandora1017  
Rating: R [I think]  
Content: Slash, language, mockery...  
Characters:  
Um... most of 'em. I'll try to label them as I go. None of them are mine, not that I would want any of these brats...

.

Danielle was so excited! The WWF...er, E, was coming to her hometown! Not only that, she'd won tickets from her favorite radio station to meet any wrestler of her choice after the show! Like, wow!

_"Stop. Stop right there."_

"Who said that?" I ask, looking around nervously. I finally see a female figure leaning against my door. She steps into the light and I notice it's me... kind of. I... er, she crosses the room and sits in my recliner, making herself comfortable. Might as well, I figure, it's her room, too. "Who are you?"

"I'm you," she says, smirking. "In muse form. But you can call me Mary Sue. To save confusion."

"It's a bit late for that."

"I'm here to help with your new fic."

"Oh," I sigh, disappointed. "I was kinda hoping that Matt Hardy muse would help me with this one..."

"You would," she says, smirking still. "You're going to make Christian muse jealous if you keep this up."

I blush. "Speaking of... where are those two? Where are any of my muses?"

"You don't know? Real musi run for the hills at the slightest hint of a Mary Sue. You're getting greedy, and they know it. But don't worry, I'll help you."

"Um, ok."

"First, that name..."

"Danielle?"

"Yeah, it's got to go."

"Um, I'm kind of partial to it... it's my name."

"Sweetie, this is your story. You can do what ever you want. Don't you want a cooler name?"

"Danielle's a cool name..."

She looks at me blankly.

"Um, ok. What should I use?"

"Something with switched letters. We'll start simple. Replace 'I's with 'Y's."

"Like, Danyelle?"

Mary Sue rolls her eyes.

"Um, ok. Krystine?"

"Where the hell did you get a dumbass name like that?"

"It's my middle name!"

"Try... Killian."

"That doesn't have any switched letters."

Mary Sue raises a brow. "If you want my help, you're going to have to learn to ignore contradictions..."

"Oh. Ok. So, name myself after a beer?"

"Do you want my help?"

I sigh, still no sign of my regular musi. "Yeah, I guess."

"Killian it is. Now, a WWE event in your hometown? How lame. You're family. A sister, or a daughter."

"Whose?"

"Undertaker."

My eyes grow to the size of plates. "Please, no, anything but that."

"Anything?" Mary Sue asks, her eyes glinting.

I take a deep breath. Can it get any worse? "Anything."

"Paul Heyman's. Daughter."

I'm actually speechless. Mary Sue is amused. Once I find my tongue, I try to bargain. "Maven's sister?"

Mary Sue sighs. "Ok. Now type."

"Killian! Are you coming or not?"

I checked my reflection in the bathroom mirror once more before running down the stairs to meet my brother. "I'm ready!"

Maven smiled. "Took ya long enough. I'm going to be late!"

"Not if you let me drive."

"Not if my life depended on it," he joked back, grabbing his duffel bag and opening the door. We get to the car and he throws his bag in the backseat.

"So you're going to introduce me to all the guys?" I asked, excitedly. Maven smirked at me, knowing what I really meant was 'You're going to introduce me to all the big, hot wrestlers, right?'

"Sure, whoever you want to meet."

I grinned. This is going to be great.

"Of course, you are mostly coming to see your big brother wrestle, right?"

"Oh, of course," I answered, smiling innocently.

Maven grinned again and we left for the arena.

_"You're getting the idea now," Mary Sue encourages. "Keep it up, I'm going to get a soda."_

"Um, ok..." I stare blankly at the screen again. Mary Sue doesn't seem to realize that I don't write these stories, the musi do. I sigh, running my fingers over the keys idly. "God, I need a muse..."

On request, I feel hands on my shoulders. Ah, a muse. I smile to myself and look up to see who's come to help me. It's Lita muse.

"Hey, sweetie," I grin.

"How's it goin', kid?"

"Not so good."

Lita muse grabs a chair, spins it around, and sits backwards in the chair next to me, scanning my story quickly. "That's what happens when you write Mary Sue."

"Oh."

"I'm here to help, though," she winks.

"Thank you!"

"No problem. I have a plan that might bring some of the guys back."

"Yeah?" I ask, perking up.

"Yeah. Just follow my lead. And don't let Mary Sue know I dropped by. She doesn't like us."

"Us?"

"Your other musi."

"Oh. I don't like her much."

"Yeah, I know. Well, she'll be back any second. Write me in and I'll take it from there."

"Sure," I nod, grinning.

"If all goes to plan, this should get rid of Mary Sue for good."

"Sweet," I grin. Lita muse leaves as Mary Sue enters, settling back in the recliner with a Diet Pepsi.

"This is it," Maven announced, holding his hands up as if he were presenting the arena to me.

"Well, let's go in!" I call, taking his hand and starting to run to the arena. He tugs my hand to slow me down with a laugh.

"It's not going anywhere, take your time."

"Aren't you excited?"

"Of course I am, but I'm not going to run to the arena."

"Whatever," I stick my tongue out at him and take off to the arena.

_"Um, shouldn't security stop me here?"_

"No," Mary Sue responds, rolling her eyes. "Keep going."

As soon as we entered, Maven was acosted by Al Snow. "Hey, we've got a match early tonight, get down to the ring so we can practice."

"What about my sister?"

Al noticed me then, giving me a once over. "Um, Amy's around somewhere. I bet she'd be willing to have a shadow for the evening."

"Amy?" I asked, confused.

Maven turned to me and whispered, "Lita."

"Oh! Cool! That'd be great!"

Al nodded. "Go down this hall and I'm sure you'll run into her. I have to take your brother."

"Ok! Good luck, Maven!"

Maven grinned. "Thanks, Killi."

I watched those two walk away, then turned in the direction that Al had directed.

_"Securi-?"_

Mary Sue just shakes her head.

After a moment, I found Amy, stretching against a wall. I stood in awe for a moment. My hero was right before my eyes. I cleared my throat and she turned to me, slightly startled. "Um, hi."

_"She calls security?"_

Mary Sue doesn't even respond.

"Hey there. Can I help you?"

"I'm Maven's sister, Killian."

"Oh, nice to meet you," she smiled.

"Same!" I exclaimed. "You are the coolest!"

Amy grinned. "Why, thank you. What can I do for you?"

"Um, Al said that you might not mind a shadow for the evening, since I can't follow Maven around..."

"I can do that," she smiled, then winked at me. "I'll give you the grand tour. Show you how things work around here."

"Sweet!" I grinned.

_"See? Your hero's your best friend. That's what I'm all about," Mary Sue says, with a slight smirk. "Next you choose your boyfriend. Do you want Matt or Christian?"_

I shrug, nervously. "Um, they're both nice..."

"You have to be decisive. You get what you want. Write which one you want."

"Um, ok."

"Do you have any chips?" she asks, suddenly. I look at her, confused, and nod, pointing towards the kitchen. "Be right back. Decide who you want before I get back!"

"Um, ok."

As she leaves, I sigh. Where is the back-up Lita muse referred to? Hell, where did Lita muse go? I drop my chin into my hands, giving up and trying to make the impossible decision between Matt and Christian.

"Y'can't have either of us," a very recognizable voice drawls. I smile before turning to see Matt muse enter, hand in hand with Christian muse.

"No!" I exclaim, through laughter. "That'll scare the hell out of Mary Sue!"

"Isn't that the point?" Christian muse asks, smirking.

"You two are terrible!" I chide, still laughing.

They shrug.

"Yeah, Ah think we need t'be punished. Christian? Do th'honors?" Matt muse smirks.

"Oh, no, guys, not here, I can't take it!" I try to repress a dirty grin. "Go find another room!"

"Absolutely," Christian muse does his best impression of Matt's drawl - which isn't much - and leads his current fling out of my room to go do whatever it is Slash Musi in love do. They bump into Lita muse entering as they leave and she shakes her head, grinning, and comes to check on me.

"Better yet?"

"Getting there. Chapter two is really shaping up."

"Oh, sweetie, you don't even know the half," Lita muse smirks.


	2. [2/3]

"What do you want to see first?" Amy asked as she led me down the hall.

"Oh, everyone! Matt, Jeff, Edge, Christian, Chris Jericho, Triple H, Lance Storm -"

Amy laughed. "Or who, I guess."

I blushed. "Sorry..."

"No, it's fine, we can see who's around."

I grinned. "So, are you and Matt really an item?"

Amy raised a brow at me, then smiled. "God no!"

I felt a rush of happiness. He was single!

_Mary Sue nods approvingly._

"Wow, that's great, see, 'cause I have this **huge** crush on him."

Amy hesitated. "Oh, um, maybe we'd better not go this way..."

She started to turn away, but I stopped in the hall. "Why not?"

"I just don't think..."

I knitted my brow, then turned back the direction we had been heading. "What's over here..."

I trailed off as I found what Amy had been trying to protect me from. There, right in front of me, Matt Hardy was sitting on a tech case with Christian sitting on his lap. They were kissing.

_Mary Sue spits out a mouthful of Diet Pepsi._

"I didn't muse that!"

I just shrug and smile to myself.

"Delete that!"

"Delete?" I ask, innocently.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"I didn't write it, it was mused."

"Not by me!!"

"Do you see any other musi? You said yourself that they all left..."

Mary Sue growls under her breath and sits back down. "Fine. Continue."

Amy cleared her throat. "Matt! Jay!"

The two looked up quickly and Jay jumped off Matt's lap. Matt's dark eyes grew wide with fear and he dove off the case, kneeling in front of Amy and tugging on the knees of her pants. "Please, please, don't tell Jeff!"

"Jesus Christ, Matt, he's your brother! The only reason I won't tell him is that it kills me to see him moping around after he catches you cheating on him..."

_Mary Sue's eyes grow wide and she just gawks._

"What the hell is going on?!"

"Would you pipe down? I'm trying to write here..."

"No!" she jumps out of the chair and stomps her foot indignantly. "I cannot let this happen! Christian is not gay! Matt is not gay! Jeff is not gay!"

"Yeah Ah am," a quiet voice adds. I turn suddenly and see Jeff muse strolling through the door with his hands inhis pockets and a smirk on his face.

"Jeffro!"

He grins at me before turning back to Mary Sue. "An' Ah'm in love with m'brother."

"No!" she shreiks again. "Not on my watch!"

Jeff muse looks to me, arching an eyebrow, and I nod in approval. He grabs Mary Sue and drags her back down to the recliner with him, holding her tight so she can't fight. "You jus' sit back and enjoy th'ride, sweetie!"

For the first time, I see someone try to get out of the grip of Jeff muse. Jeff muse, however, doesn't allow it. "Ok, Yelle, Ah'm here for ya, let's write something."

"You bet..."

"Wait!"

I look up, startled - the protest didn't come from Mary Sue. Matt muse and Christian muse come back in, straightening their clothes and re-tying back their hair.

"We want in on this," Christian muse informs me.

"Absolutely," I grin. "Pull up some space."

Matt muse sits on the floor and lets Christian muse sit between his legs so he can lean back on him.

"Jeezy creezy, guys," Jeff muse moans.

"What?" Christian muse smirks, resting his elbows on Matt muse's knees. "Jealous?"

"Not of you," Jeff muse grins. "Of him."

Mary Sue turns green.

"Come on, Danielle!" Matt muse encourages, ignoring Mary Sue. "Write!"

Matt jumped back up and embraced Amy. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

Amy gets a slightly disgusted look on her face and pats his back awkwardly. "So I take it this is the last time?"

"Like hell!" Jay snorted, adjusting his shirt proudly and stalking off.

Matt let go of Amy, blushing. Amy shook a chiding finger in Matt's face. "I don't see how you can do that to Jeff. If you don't love him anymore, you have to break it off."

"It's not that I don't love Jeff... I do. It's just that Jay is...

_"Adorable?" Christian muse supplies, batting his gorgeous eyes at Matt muse. Matt muse smiles and wraps his arms around Christian muse. Mary Sue turns slightly greener._

"Can y'get her a trash can? Ah don't want her t'ralph on me..." Jeff muse moans.

I pass the trash can over to Jeff muse just in case.

"Hey, wait a minute!" Matt muse snaps out of his little reverie with Christian muse. "What happened t'my accent?"

Mary Sue narrows her eyes. "I still have some control."

"Don't worry about it," Christian muse says, smirking. "It makes you sound smarter."

Matt muse looks sideways at Christian muse and clocks him playfully. "Fine, leave it out."

"Can I go on?"

The musi nod at me encouragingly except Mary Sue who still adamantly shakes her head no.

...adorable."

"Well, you can't have both," Amy said. "You're just going to end up hurting someone."

Matt hesitated, with a far off look in his eyes. "Have both?"

_"No -!"_

Mary Sue was cut off as Jeff muse clamped a hand over her mouth.

Amy rolled her eyes, then smiled slightly. "If you can pull that one off, sweetie, more power to you."

"It shouldn't be that hard. Jeff had a thing of Jay a while ago... Have you seen Jeff around?"

Amy pointed behind her. "I think he's in his locker room."

Matt's eyes lit up. "I'll be back!"

_Mary Sue clears her throat and we grudgingly turn our attention to her._

"Seeing how this is **my story**, can I please be in it?"

My musi exchange glances and Christian muse sighs heavily. "I'll take her. We could use some comedy - this is getting too lovey dovey."

"Are y'complainin'? Y'get me, **and** Ah called ya adorable, " Matt muse smirks.

Christian muse rolls his eyes. "Thanks, sweetie, but let's move on. As soon as we finish this, we can get back to my Chris Jericho story..."

At that, Y2J muse, who thinks he's straight, starts to enter to help Mary Sue, but runs in fear when Christian muse blows him a kiss. Christian muse just snickers. "He's so much fun."

"I'm so much fun!" a new voice announces. We all turn to see Edge muse jump in the doorway, wearing a clown suit - face paint and all. "Did you say comedy? Comedy's my middle name!"

A cricket chirps.

"Guys?" Edge muse squeaks his clown nose to no response. Finally, Christian muse sighs.

"Edge, darling, go lose that stupid get up and help us write this story."

Edge muse's face falls and he leaves, changes into normal clothes and comes back. "Better?"

"Yes!" They all shout. Even Mary Sue agrees.

Edge muse sticks his tongue out at us. "Spoilsports."

I backed away from Matt and Amy, slightly unnerved. I hadn't really expected the love of my life to be in love [in the squicky way] with his brother and cheating on him with the other love of my life. As Matt went searching for Jeff, Amy chased after him, curious to see what would happen. I sighed. "Now what do I do?"

"Look, Matt -" a voice called from behind me. I turned to find that Jay had returned. I looked up and realized how close she was to one of my favorite wrestlers ever.

"He, um... went to look for Jeff..."

"Dammit," Jay scowled.

"I think he was proposing the idea to him of maybe a three-way relationship between the three of you..."

Jay looked up with a smile. "Really?"

I smiled hesitantly. It wasn't right to see my soulmate so excited about being with not one, but two other men. "Yeah."

"Awesome!" Jay clapped his hands once, excitedly, then looked back to me. "Who are you, anyway?"

"I'm Killian. Maven's sister."

"Oh," Jay said, knitting his brow. "Ok. What are you doing here?"

"Come to think of it, you're the first person to ask me that," I scratched my chin, puzzled, but shrugged it off. "Well, Amy was showing me around, but she took off with Matt. Right now, I'm not doing anything."

"Well, come on. Let's go find something to do."

Before we even went five feet, Vince McMahon came down the hall, strutting as usual. "Ah, Christian! Just the man I was looking for."

"Ah, Jason, sir."

"Right, right, quit trying to confuse things," Vince ordered. Jay nodded and looked to the ground. "Anyway, we need another match for the night, and I was hoping you could do it. Maybe tag with your brother."

"Um, Adam's not really my brother..."

"What have I told you about that?"

"Sorry, sir."

"Right. And it can be against..." Vince stroked his chin thoughtfully and his eyes fell on me. "Who are you?"

"Maven's little sister, Killian. I'm -"

"Great, great. Tonight, in this very ring -"

"Sir, we're not in the -"

"Christian..." Vince started, warningly.

"Sorry, sir," Jay looked back to the ground.

"As I was saying, tonight, in this very ring, it will be the tag team of Edge and Christian against... Killian."

"Um -" I started, but Vince was already moving on.

_"Who the hell did that?!" Christian muse looks around, accusingly, but his eyes quickly fall on Mary Sue. She smirks. "Fine, you want to play like that? Yelle, let's go."_

"Wait, wait, Edge and Christian are fighting on TV!" I argue. "And they have been as long as Maven's been around. It doesn't make sense!"

Mary Sue narrows her eyes, still smirking. "I'm Mary Sue. I'm above logic."

"Above, below," Edge muse shrugs, "same difference."

"Sheesh," Jay rolled his eyes. "Next thing you know, you'll be WWE Undisputed Champion."

_Mary Sue smirks._

"It was a joke!" Christian muse yells at her.

"Well, let's go find Adam. We can plot out the match."

"Ok!" I nodded excitedly. Edge was cute. Maybe he was straight...

_Edge muse snorts. "Don't hold your breath."_

After running across Adam on the way to the ring, the three of us were finally able to start planning the match.

"Ok, how do you want to start?"

"Um..."

Adam blinked. "Do you know how to wrestle?"

"Not really..."

Adam threw up his hands in disgust. "She doesn't even know how to wrestle!"

_Edge muse glares at Mary Sue. "You book yourself in a match, but you can't wrestle?"_

"Danielle knows a little judo..." Mary Sue defends.

I sigh and hang my head. "I lost three times at the last competition. I was beat by two girls who have been learning it half as long as I have and one who was, like, half my age and half my weight. None of my matches lasted longer than fifteen seconds, I don't think. Thanks for bringing that up, bitch."

Christian muse unwraps himself from Matt's arm and comes to console me. "It'll be ok, sweetie. We'll teach her to wrestle."

"Thanks, honey," I sigh, composing myself. Christian muse nods, satisfied, and goes back to Matt muse.

"It's all right, we'll just have to teach her," Jay shrugged. "I'm sure she's a quick learner. What do you want to learn first?"

"A throw?"

"A throw?" Adam repeated, disgusted. "A shoulder back drop? A fallaway slam? A toss? A suplex? A -?"

"A suplex!"

"Do you know anything about wrestling?" Jay asked, double checking.

"Um..."

"Good God..." Jay put his hand to his head.

"Ok, ok," Adam shook his hands, reinserting himself in the conversation. "What kind of suplex?"

"Kind?"

"For the love of..." Jay groaned.

_"They're not supposed to be mean to me! This is a Mary Sue! Everyone in the WWE is supposed to love me!"_

"Honey," Edge muse explains to Mary Sue dryly, "You're female. No one in the WWE loves women."

"No! This isn't how Mary Sue works!"

"No," says Jeff muse. "This is how real fan fiction works. Keep going, Yelle."

"Double arm suplex, tiger suplex, german suplex, dragon suplex, rolling suplexes, superplex..." Adam started rattling off a list of suplexes.

"Which is which?" I asked, knitting my brow.

Adam sighed and grabbed Jay from behind, and suplexed him.

"Hey!" Jay called, not ready for that.

_Edge muse snickers, earning a dirty look from Christian muse._

"That was a German suplex. If I do this," Adam picked Jay back up and hit three successive german suplexes, "those are rolling suplexes."

"Adam!" Jay yelled, holding his head.

"And this," Adam began, suplexing Jay once more, "Suplex with a bridge."

"Adam Copeland!" Jay yelled, breaking out of the pin and rolling on the ground in pain.

"Oh," I nodded, knowingly, as we blithely ignored Jay's pain. "I don't think I can do any of those, I'm not strong enough."

"I figured," Adam rolled his eyes.

_"Oh, you think you're so funny," Christian muse practically growls at Edge muse. "My turn."_

"Maybe a submission hold?" I suggested.

Jay climbed to his feet. "I got this one."

Before anyone knew what was happening, Jay clubbed Adam to the back of the neck, knocking him down, and locked in a Boston Crab. "This is..."

"The Walls of Jericho!" I exclaimed, proud of myself for knowing something.

"Um, a Boston Crab, actually," Jay corrected. Adam feverently pounded on the mat, trying to tap out. Jay let go of one of his legs. "And the half Boston Crab."

"Jesus Christ, Jay, if you don't let me go right now..." Adam cut off with a cry of pain as Jay swung around and turned the half Boston Crab into an ankle lock.

"Ankle lock," Jay explained, deriving some pleasure from his revenge for the suplexes.

_"Ha ha," Edge muse laughs, keeping a straight face. "It's war now."_

Adam rolled over and kicked Jay in the face, knocking him back.

"Want to see a figure four?" Adam asked, grinning that psycho grin of his. I didn't get a chance to respond.

"No!" Jay yelled in shock, but Adam locked in the hold with a sadistic, vengeful smirk.

_"Yelle..." Christian muse pouted._

Jay struggled momentarily before looking at me again. "You want to know how to get out of this?"

It was Adam's turn to protest. "No!"

"Just roll over," Jay explained, doing so after a moment of struggling. Adam's face turned into a hideous grimace and he began pounding on the mat again.

_"What's this, a party?" Triple H muse asks, entering the room following his shower, dressed only in his towel. Mary Sue's eyes light up as his eyes fall on her. "Who's she?"_

"I'm Mary -"

"Baby!" Edge muse cuts her off and runs to Triple H muse, jumping into his arms. Triple H muse catches him, caught off guard. "Christian muse is hurting me!"

Triple H muse sighs, sets Edge muse down, and hugs him consolingly. "Do I need to save you again, kid?"

Edge muse nods sadly and Triple H muse comes over to the computer, scanning the story quickly.

"Danielle? What is this crap?"

"She wrote it," I answer, pointing to Mary Sue who is near hysterics now, finding out that Triple H muse and Edge muse are slashy, too. Jeff muse is trying to console her - or maybe just shut her up - rather unsuccessfully.

"Ok, let me go get dressed and I'll play."

"No need," Christian muse smirks, and Matt muse hits him playfully again. Mary Sue breaks out in tears. Triple H muse shrugs and sits, still in just a towel, next to Edge muse on the floor.

I stood there, helpless, unsure of who to help or how to help them. Finally, someone else ran down to the ring, and I looked up surprised.

"Triple H!"

Adam looked over, hearing that. "Paul!"

Paul rolled his eyes, and stomped on Jay's back, almost laughing. "What are you doing?"

Jay rolled away from the mess and crawled into a corner, pointing at Adam. "He started it!"

Paul just rolled his eyes again, and started to help Adam up before being jumped by Jeff Hardy. Jay's eyes grew wide - he must have thought that Jeff only knocked down Paul to be able to get to Jay himself.

"Look, Jeff, I don't know what Amy told you, but it's not -"

Jay trailed off as Jeff knelt next to him and put a single finger on his mouth to stop him. "Amy didn't say anything, Matt did. And I agreed."

Jay sat there, dumbfounded, as Jeff proceeded to kiss him. Jay wasn't sure exactly what was said between the brothers, but he decided that it wasn't necessary to know.

_A huge grin crosses Jeff muse's face as he has to hold Mary Sue tighter so she doesn't run away._

"Jeff!" Paul snaps, getting back to his feet. It might not have been Jeff's best idea to attack a guy Paul's size. I slid out of the ring, not wanting to get in the middle of this mess. Paul approached Jeff, his chest rising and falling angrily. He pointed to Jay. "What the hell was that?"

"Look," Jeff got back to his feet and into Paul's face, growling through clenched teeth. "Until you dump Adam and hook back up with me, it's obvious that you don't really love me, you're just using me for a booty call!

_Triple H muse cracks up laughing and Jeff smirks. He was proud of that one. Mary Sue shudders, still crying._

...So I'm going to stay with someone who cares about me! Matt!" Jeff turned to look at Jay. "And Jay."

"Wait, wait," another person interrupted, sliding into the ring. I looked up to see Matt shove Paul out of the way and get in Jeff's face. "You were cheating on me with Paul?"

Jeff didn't back down. "Yeah. And you were cheating on me with Jay."

Matt's shoulders dropped, and he turned back to Paul. "I guess he's got me there... but, still..."

With that, Matt reached back and punched Paul in the face. Probably not one of his better ideas. Paul stood his ground for a second, but as he reached back to swing himself, he was stopped by Adam who stepped between Matt and Paul, seperating them.

"Stop! Stop!" Adam yelled. Matt watched Adam, wide-eyed, afraid he's picked a fight with a duo, as if Paul weren't enough on his own. Surprising everyone, though, Adam punched Paul in the face, knocking him down. "You were using Jeff for booty calls?!?"

Paul held his jaw in surprise, "Adam, honey..."

"Don't 'Adam, honey' me!" Adam fell down to his knees, attacking Paul brutally until Matt, Jay, and Jeff pulled him off. Adam turned to the closest arms for consolation, which happened to be Jay. "How could you? How could you?!"

Jay held onto him, smirking, and smoothed Adam's hair. It seemed as if there were even chemistry between those two.

_"Boy, she's quick," Christian muse murmurs._

"Um," I cleared my throat. Everyone in the ring stopped and turned to me, standing on the outside. "If you all like each other... why are you fighting?"

They turned to look at each other, confused. "I mean, if you don't mind a threesome... what's wrong with a five-some?"

_Everyone turns to look at Mary Sue, confused. She's sitting there, her face gone white as a sheet, as Jeff muse holds her down with a smirk and a hand firmly over her mouth._

"You're gettin' pretty good at that ventriloquist-musin', Jeff," Matt muse chuckles.

I could not believe I just said that! I threw both my hands over my mouth and ran up the ramp backstage as the men in the ring started to look at each other in a new light.

"Help!" I yelled, looking for anyone normal. "Maven?!"

With that, I fell down on my knees and started crying. Everything was going wrong! "I want to go home..."

"Oh, sweetie, it's ok," a soft voice answered me, setting a hand gently on my shoulder.

_"A friend!" Mary Sue perks up, ready for any excuse to get away from these slashy musi. "Help me! Jericho muse?"_

"Not quite," the 'new friend' responds. Lita muse comes back in the room, half smirking. Although she has no proof, Mary Sue seems to recognize that Lita muse was the one who set all this up. Lita muse works silently, coaxing all the other musi to leave. "You guys had your fun. It's time to finish this."

"Whatever," Christian muse pouts, sticking his tongue out at her as he leaves. "Like a straight muse like you could do anything to squick her out worse than we did."

"Oh, just you wait," she answers, winking at me.

Mary Sue grips the arms of my recliner, nervously. Lita muse looks to her with a slight smirk.

"Don't worry, kid, it's almost over."

Mary Sue gulps nervously.


	3. [3/3]

"Amy?" I asked, hesitantly.

"Yeah, kid?"

"What's wrong here?"

"What do you mean?"

"They all love... each other!"

Amy shrugged. "Can you blame them?"

I sighed. "No, I guess not. Are they all gay?"

"Not at all," she said, half smiling. "A lot of them are bi."

"Oh," I nodded, as if that made it better.

"Is Maven going to turn into one of them?" I asked, biting my lower lip. Instead of responding, she looked at the ground. "Already has?"

"Last I saw, he was hanging around 'Taker. That usually means... well..."

"Don't say it... I can't take it."

Amy nodded.

"Are there any straight ones?"

"Oh, yeah!" Amy brightened. "I have one!"

"You do?"

"Yeah, he's the greatest. Want to go meet him?"

"Of course!" I jumped up. She led me down a hall and I started rambling. "This is great. Everything else here might be screwy and not at all what I expected, but at least I know that you are who I see on TV every night! Too extreme, independant Lita! A perfect role model for strong willed grrls every where!"

Amy grinned. "Thanks, I'm glad you think so!"

_"This is getting better," Mary Sue commented, relaxing slightly. Lita muse and I just exchanged glances._

We continued down a hall until we came across the APA's poker table.

"Are you dating Faarooq or Bradshaw?!" I asked excitedly. How cute!

Amy laughed. "Of course not! Those two are always playing strip poker... with each other, if you get my drift."

"Oh," I sighed. Another reification shattered. We approached the table and Amy leaned over, her clevage not even garnering the attention of the two brawny, shirtless poker players.

"Have either of you two seen my loving man?" she cooed.

"We're busy here, cupcake," Ron chided her, then did a double take. "Oh, yeah, I mean, I think he's coming back soon."

"Who, me?" I turned to see, of all people, Billy Gunn smack Amy's ass. She jumped, and turned with a smile.

"Hiya, Kip, baby."

"Go get me a beer, woman."

My jaw dropped as Amy dashed off down the hall, obediently following his orders. He sat in a chair at the table with the APA, kicked his feet up on the table, and began scratching himself vulgarly. I swallowed down some vomit as he noticed me. "Who are you, cutie? You want some of this?"

_"You wanted someone to love you?" Lita muse asks, smirking._

"NOOOOOO!" Mary Sue screams.

"Um, no, thank you," I stuttered. "I'm Maven's sister, Killian."

"Ugh," he rolled his eyes. "Another one of those fags, huh?"

Ron and John exchanged glances, then looked back down to their cards, frowning. Before I got a chance to respond, Amy came running back with a cold beer.

"Here, baby. Is that good?"

"It'll do," he groaned, obviously displeased. He gave Amy a once over. "Hey, are you putting on weight again, tubby? What'd you eat today?"

My jaw was practically on the floor as I watched him harass her. Amy just sighed and looked down at the ground, guiltily. "A rice cake..."

"And...?"

Amy frowned. "I split a banana with Matt."

"You what?!" he fumed.

"I'm sorry!" Amy apologized quickly.

"First, I thought I told you to stop hanging around that flaming loser more than you had to, and second -"

"He's my friend!" Amy started, but was silenced by a stiff glare. Ron and John watched, silently frowning.

"And second," he started again, "I told you that you need to watch what you're eating. Now, go hit the gym for an hour and run off all that food."

Amy nodded, sullenly, and turned away to head off down the hall. Kip called after her again as she was leaving. "Oh, and if I see you talking to anymore of those little homos, I'll kick their asses myself!"

Amy nodded, not looking back, and lifted a hand to her face, obviously wiping away a tear.

_"That's it!" Mary Sue yells, jumping up. "I'm putting my foot down!"_

Lita muse and I are still wiping away tears... of laughter, but we hesitate at her sudden outburst.

"What?"

"Start typing this!" she demands.

Without warning, I grabbed the back of Kip's chair and threw it down on the ground. He rolled around in pain, holding his head. Inspired by my rebelliousness, Ron and John get up and beat the hell out of Kip, APA style. At the same time, I chased after Amy, grabbing her arm to stop her.

"Amy! What are you doing?"

"Kip told me to go to the gym, so I was going..."

"No! It doesn't have to be like that! You don't have to do whatever he says. You're not overweight, and there's nothing wrong with being friends with Matt."

Amy looked at me, confused. "But Kip said..."

"Fuck Kip! He's an asshole! You deserve better! You deserve someone who will empower you!"

_Lita muse rolls her eyes at Mary Sue and whispers in my ear._

"You're right, Killian. I can do better!"

_"Yeah!"_

"Yeah!"

"I deserve someone who loves me for who I am!"

_"Yeah!"_

"Yeah!"

"Someone like you!"

_"Yeah! No! Wait! No!!"_

"Well, that's not exactly what I had..."

Before I finished my sentence, Amy had grabbed my face and kissed me.

_"Noooooooo!"_

With this final cry, Lita muse and the others finally let Mary Sue run away. Lita muse looks to me and shrugs, then we both have a good laugh.

"See? See?!" Christian muse exclaims, running back into the room and pointing at the monitor. "You had to use slash!"

Lita muse laughs. "Sure, Chris. Like she wasn't ready to bolt when I first typed Billy Gunn."

The entering musi shudder collectively at that name.

"Ah well. That's done," Matt muse sighs, setting his hands on my shoulders with a grin. "Get th' Mary Sue idea out of y'system?"

"Absolutely!" I grin, and Matt chuckles.

"Back to me then!" Edge muse exclaims. "It's my turn! You promised I could play with Jericho muse!"

As Jericho muse tries to sneak in, all the slash musi turn to look at him, smirking. His eyebrows jump and he turns and runs again.

"That boy's going to be much happier when he realizes that he's slashy, too," Triple H muse says with a smile.

"Let's do it, then!" Edge muse encourages, flopping down in my now vacant recliner. "Come on, Danielle! Write!" 


End file.
